The sad truth about depression and the people around them. Sadly, another soul has been taken by this horrible illness. As with every celebrity who has succumb to this disease the media picks up the story momentarily and then it will vanish as quickly as it came. The media will encourage those suffering to seek out the help that is offered to them. That all sounds really nice in theory, but the truth is not pretty.
First, most people will tell you there is not a physical problem, and that the problem is all in your head. I myself have reached out to people numerous times in the last 24 hours and heard this comment. Secondly, medication is touted as an option. My experience has been that the medication somewhat dulls the senses but the problems do not go away and new problems may arise such as lethargy, weight gain, stigma, brain fogginess and much more.
The worst part of all this is the lack of support of your so called loved ones and friends. Here are some common comments you will receive…
“It is all in your head”
“Put your big girl panties on” (probably my favorite)
“You got yourself in this mess, now get yourself out”
“Just be happy”
“I don’t want to deal with your issues”
“Suicide is selfish”
Okay, now I will try and explain what it feels like for someone with depression and suicidal ideations. Think back to one of your worst days in life and remember how you felt. Crank that feeling up by 100 and smash your insides. Can you feel it?
I know when most people see that someone like Robin Williams has died they are sad, confused and perplexed; however, many people do understand the cruel suffering. The clawing pain and misery that lives within despite those who think mind over matter will be the answer. There are, in fact, actual physical pain and ailments that accompanies this disease.
Unlike Mr. Williams, most people with mental illness end up living on the streets or are in jail because making it through daily living is especially difficult. Getting to the shower, getting to the job, paying the bills is all quite a feat.
I was in the hospital last year being treated for depression. At that time, the only difference between most of us was the fact that some were at the beginning and still had homes and those at the end living on the street.
I prayed that seeking out help for myself that I would not end up financially destroyed and alone. My prayers were not answered. A few bad decisions, some bad luck and here I am waiting for the power to be turned off. Yesterday, I prayed for death. The only peace I had was when I was asleep. I just couldn’t see the light. So many obstacles in the way, let alone the physical ailments racking my body. The thing that kept me here was once again my children. They would be destroyed for life if I committed suicide. They would never understand.
In the last few days, if I had money for every time someone told me to put my big girl panties on, I would financially be okay, but what I have needed most was just for someone to care and be kind.
If I survive this, I will assuredly come out a different person. What will remain of me I am not sure. I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy.
I made it through yesterday for my children and my children alone. Today I am just plain mad at the world and am fighting. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I did promise my children that I would not take my own life. I will keep that promise, but it does not mean that tomorrow I won’t plead with God to do it for me.
The reason I wrote this post is for one reason and one reason alone. I implore you to be kind to someone that is suffering with this disease. Don’t kick them while they are on the ground in the fetal position. They do not want to be there anymore than you want them there. They are not trying to be a bother. They are sick and a kind word might just be what is needed for them to get to tomorrow, and who knows, maybe something good will happen and their light will once again shine.